October 9, 2020

“And now, the rest of the story…” (Paul Harvey). “But wait, there’s more…” (Infomercial)

There is another part of my temporary plunge into virtual school grandma that is harder to talk about. I had a previously scheduled Zoom appointment with one of the people I meet with as a spiritual director that conflicted with an hour of virtual school time. My son graciously agreed to cover school for me. 

I secreted myself away in an upstairs bedroom, put on my headset, took a couple of deep breaths in and out in an attempt to settle into a deeper part of myself, and opened the Zoom call.  The conversation centered on the difficulty of making space within oneself for anxiety, rather than doing everything in one’s power to get rid of the anxiety, or fix it. It is an open, welcoming attitude toward not knowing, ambiguity, and uncertainty. 

I listened, as intently and deeply as I could. I became aware of four different movements within myself.  The first movement was the act of listening well, of holding the anxiety of not knowing without fixing it. The second movement was the awareness that I’d just come from the highly anxious situation of keeping numerous “balls in the air” as I flitted back and forth between my granddaughters on-line adventures, at the same time trying to find supplies, remove distractions (I had no idea that erasers, cords for headsets, and all manner of writing instruments could be chewed on), respond to a text message, and remain calm. The third movement was awareness of the sounds of the school day going on one floor below – giggles, complaints, items being dropped, parental corrections, and lunch being prepared.

The fourth movement was something I could only hold onto for a few moments. It was the awareness that in all of these things, God was. It was all one holy moment – from the deepest to the most mundane, the chaos and the quiet within and around us, held in the arms of the One who holds all things, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things. It is Love, holding all.

So perhaps Paul Harvey and Infomercials make a good point – there is more. 

There is more ~ Anne

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