June 2, 2023
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;
the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. ~ Number 6:24-26 NRSV
Yesterday was Seth, our first-born’s birthday. Memories of the time around his birth came to mind. Every time I use my sister-in-law Beth’s pizza dough recipe, I remember that last (and very tasty) meal she made a few hours before I went into labor. I remember all of his blonde hair falling off during his first bath, and thinking I’d harmed him in some life-altering way. Forty- seven years later, any hair loss is blamed on my father’s genes.
As much as I wanted him and we planned for him, I had the surprising and scary thought that parenting was an all-encompassing, twenty-four hours, seven days a week job. It was one I felt ill-prepared for, and one that Rod, and I learned about day by day and stage by stage over the years. It was not something I learned about in college, or graduate school, or even seminary. We refer to having children, but I confess that I had no idea how much our children would have me, my time, my heart, my joy, and my worry.
During my Camino walk, I began to place my hand on my heart as I held Seth and the others whom I as a physical reminder of love and all the joy and worry love brings. Then I move my hand away from my heart in an act of giving them into heart of the One who knows them and loves them even more.
As a spouse, the father of two elementary-age children, a hard worker with too much to do with far too little time, I pray for health and safety, for the presence and peace of God, for life in its fullness. And then I hand him back, often multiple times each day. On my walk yesterday, it hit me that although I am praying for good things, I am also praying selfishly, because I cannot imagine losing a child. So yesterday morning, I was perhaps nudged by the Spirit to pray the words of the priestly blessing God gave to Moses to give to Aaron and his sons, and which is perhaps the very best prayer of all.
For Seth, for those I hold dear, for you, “May the Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. “~ with love, Anne
Wayfinding 